i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
