My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
