He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize