Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
