Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
