She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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