it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We have so much sex to catch up on
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
