Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize