a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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