____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
