I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
