I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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