Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize