I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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