I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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