BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
