walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
