3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I love you. Go after that dick
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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