girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
