Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
