you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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