tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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