An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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