Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
