I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
