I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize