Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she told me i tasted like america
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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