I puked a lego.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
