I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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