I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
