Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
It's shark week go big or go home
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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