But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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