In the future we'll all be gay
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
