his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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