doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
