This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am naked and annoyed.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize