I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry about my life...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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