They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
How naked do you want me to be?
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