Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
