Porn is love you can see.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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