Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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