The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
