I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
