Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
