Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
