i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize