after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
