So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
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