no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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