Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
