My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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