Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize