the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
