cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
