mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
