I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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