I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
