I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
