so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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