Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
