As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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