Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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