hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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