i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
