Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
