I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize