He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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