1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
