Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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