I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
