I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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