My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
