He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
