Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
