Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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