Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Who wears a wallet chain?!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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