Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
