so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
