If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
