My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
