I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
