you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
