bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
