i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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