There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
