If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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