Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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