Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
