I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
