See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
