thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
