Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
