If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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