All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
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