There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
