Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
