I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
