I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize