I seem to have left my pride at pride
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
