well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
