Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
